Like lots of people, I’ve had various fleeting and incidental appearances on television over the years.  Many years ago I was on a Channel 4 programme called ‘Gas Tank’ or something.  The setting was supposed to be a nightclub and I was sitting at a table on the set with some other people, trying to look suitably cool.  I also did a few television commercials.  In one I was supposed to be one of Elvis Presley’s backing singers.  In another I had a small part in a building society ad.

Now I’ve become part of the twenty-first century phenomenon of reality television and this week I was a contestant on ‘The Devil’s Dinner Party’.  It’s a psychological game and dinner guests are voted off at various points in the dinner, leading to one guest winning.  

All in all it was an interesting experience.  It took the whole day and the studio made a fuss of us.  I had my own dressing room and everything, which made me feel terribly important.  It was also interesting seeing something of how a reality show is made.

My motivation for doing the show was primarily to raise my profile for work purposes.  If I’m honest, it was also because I quite liked the idea of appearing on the telly.   My edition airs on 29th February next year.  Ask me then whether or not it was a good idea.

My new oven was delivered yesterday morning.  I wasn’t particularly pleased at having to buy a new one as we’re planning to refit the kitchen fairly soon and it would have been good to buy everything at the same time.

Anyway needs must and the oven arrived on time without fuss.  It was easy to fit and yes, okay, it looks smart enough, shiny stainless steel and all.

In an effort to be efficient, this morning I fished the yellowing and rather stained instruction manual of the now defunct oven out of the kitchen drawer.  The intention was to put it straight into the recycling bin.  So far, so good.

I’d just make myself a cup of tea and started to flick through the old instruction manual.  I found it unexpectedly absorbing - possibly because I should really have been doing my accounts.  I hadn’t realised, after a decade of daily use, that there was a very simple and very useful automatic function.  I also discovered that it had been sold with a five year guarantee.  That would have been a good thing to know, when the thermostat broke a year after I bought it.  Then there was a clear, simple diagram explaining the removal of the oven door for cleaning…

My phone rang and brought with it a reality check.  Why would anyone spend fifteen minutes reading the instruction manual of their eleven year old, condemned oven?

I’ve not come up with an answer and, tellingly, have to confess that I have yet to look at the instruction manual for my shiny new oven.  Tomorrow maybe.

One of my favourite rituals is coffee and newspapers in a local coffee shop.  It’s a lovely start to the day and I do it two or three times a week.  One of my favourite, up market haunts changed hands a few months ago.  The cafe in question had a solid customer base and a distinct personality.  All of the regulars, including me, were slightly concerned about what would happen when the new owners took over but we all wanted to give them a fair chance.

I don’t go there any more.  Neither do most of the old regulars.  It’s not down to lack of effort on the part of the new owners - more that they didn’t understand their clientele and the concept of the place they’d bought.  They didn’t understand that a simple thing like putting photographs of their fayre on the front windows would signify a catastrophic drop in standards.  The neat box hedge each side of the door has been allowed to die.  The menu has changed and become much more ‘caff’ than cafe.

The frustrating thing is that they’ve had lots of feedback via the local community website.  I suggested (face to face) that it would be a good idea to take the glossy photographs of the food down.  They are still there, if a little more faded now.

The loss of my favourite coffee shop in its former incarnation has served to remind me what an amazing resource feedback is.  Had its value been recognised and used by the new owners, I’m pretty sure they would be selling a lot more coffee right now.

I always enjoy teaching presentation skills and techniques.  It’s great fun and very rewarding.  Last week a client asked me to check out the presentation he was giving the following day.  It was his first one and he was reasonably confident though he knew that he had a lot to learn.

The dress rehearsal began and there was lots about his presentation that was good.  His voice was excellent, he knew the content without relying on Powerpoint or a script and was confident.  The only thing letting him down at this point was his posture and his hand movements.

This was easily solved.  I showed him ‘presenter stance’.  Stand up straight, relaxed shoulders, feet in line and slightly apart.  Straight back, level head, knees soft.  Arms to hang down by hips, hands relaxed.

If this stance is maintained through a presentation it will eradicate distracting and inappropriate subconscious gestures.  We’ve all seen presenters adjusting their genitals, pulling at their bra straps and scratching their bottoms - completely unaware that they’re moving at all.  It also facilitates breathing which is key to any good presentation.

My client came back today and was very pleased with how things went.  We’re going to explore more presentation techniques and skills over the next few weeks. 

There’s lots of misinformation out there about hypnosis.  I offered to hypnotise a client recently for insomnia.  He was reluctant because he thought I would be able to ‘find out all his secrets’ (please!)  Lots of people seem to have the idea that they will lose control or behave in a way that will be embarrassing.  I’m guessing this is largely due to popular TV hypnotists.  I don’t actually know very much about how these showmen operate but do know that I can see little relation between these shows and the work I do.

In a nutshell, hypnosis is about inducing a deep state of relaxation in a person and talking to their conscious and unconscious mind.  Interestingly, it’s probably as much about the skill of being hypnotised as the skill of the hypnotist.  We all go into states of trance at various times every day.  A good example might be sitting at the traffic lights staring into space, the hypnotic state being broken by an impatient motorist behind. 

Hypnosis is simple and can be an extremely useful tool for lots of challenges.  I’ve used it for anxiety, anger, smoking and more.  Most recently I’ve discovered how useful it can be for weight-loss, by suggesting that a virtual gastric band has been fitted.  Although clients know that they don’t actually have a gastric band, after the hypnotic induction they are likely to have a greatly reduced appetite.  This obviously leads to less food and impressive weight-loss.

So - three… two… one…

One of the interesting things about coaching is the starting point for resolving a challenge.  Should you tackle the problem head on (e.g. breathing techniques for panic attacks) or take a side step and modify strategies resulting from a problem?

Some time ago I started work with a client who I’ll call Sarah.  Sarah has done well in her career so far and the over riding reason for her coming to see me was her lack of organisation.  Chaos was effecting every area of her life in a negative way, the most obvious manifestation being her untidy flat.  She showed me photographs and, believe me, it was untidy.

I was aware of her feelings of anxiety and over-whelm and was trying to think of the best way of getting a good result.   Where do we start?  Hypnosis? Goal setting?  We talked for a while and I  focused on what she wanted.  I also ascertained that she was fully engaged with the coaching process, which she really was.  

I asked Sarah to agree to two things for our next session.  The first was to carefully make her bed every morning.  The second was to clean the sink in her kitchen every day.  She looked at me with a flicker of interest and a look that said ‘are you serious?’ but agreed to comply fully.  Obviously, the plan was for these simple tasks to spread.  Would it work?

By our next session, things were indeed changing.  There had been a knock-on effect from the bed and sink tasks to other areas of the house (limited but noticeable).  Perhaps more interesting was the fact that one key work strategy had been streamlined - although this had yet to bear fruit, it made perfect sense.The most striking change was in Sarah herself.  There was a spark there that had been missing at the first meeting.    

Four months have now passed and Sarah has made pretty amazing progress  with simple tasking.  The main ingredient of this success story has been her openness to the coaching process.  We both knew that making her bed alone wasn’t going to change her life - it was allowing space for a knock-on effect to do its work.  

I had an impromptu, late night glass of wine with some friends in Dulwich last night. Always lovely to see Giles and Vicky and before long we started showing photographs and messing around with various functions on our mobile phones.  I was trying to show Vicky how to use FaceTime (video calling) on her iPad2 and I needed to log on to their wi-fi network.  This actually proved to be quite a performance.

‘Is that upper or lower case?’  ’That should be an underscore, not a hyphen.’  ’It’s still not working, check on the back of the router again’.  ’Is pass-phrase the same as password?’  ’Move over to the fireplace and see if it’s better there’.  And so it continued - and I didn’t manage to join their network.

This made us realise that although we take many of the advances in technology for granted, actually it’s still very basic.  How will we look back on 2011’s technology in ten, twenty or thirty years?  Certainly, we all laugh at the big, clunky mobile phones of the 1980’s and 90’s.  Dial-up Internet is already a distant memory for most of us.  And can it really only be a few short years since the monitor on my PC was eighteen inches deep or more?

Our concern last night was ease of getting online.  Will there really be iris or fingerprint recognition in a few short years?  Or will logging on be a thing of the past, superseded by something I’ve not yet heard of yet?

I’m assuming that this blog entry is going to be in cyber-space for a very long time to come and will be stumbled upon occasionally over the decades.  So, Dear Reader, hello from 2011.  Do you still have ‘passwords’ to get on line?  Are your video links still fuzzy with sound not always matching picture?

Things will have moved on.  And that’s a good thing.

I was walking down Bermondsey Street the other evening with two friends and my cousin Chris. We were all in high spirits and on our way to a bar near Tower Bridge. 

The Gherkin came into view - aka 30 St Mary Axe. It’s an amazing building, particularly at night. I wasted no time in telling everyone about the birthday party I went to at the top of the Gherkin last year. It was an amazing party for a friends 50th and no expense was spared - including a high profile cabaret. I was in full flow - the food, the outfits, the Champagne, the view - and the cabaret. 

What was the cabaret? My mind went blank. The more I tried to remember the name of this well known ‘70’s pop group, the more it eluded me. 

By now we were walking along the river bank towards Tower Bridge. I was vaguely frustrated at my poor memory and subsequent inability to put the icing on the cake of my Gherkin Boast. I gave up trying to remember the name of the group and we ordered a couple of bottles of wine. Only then did the name of the band come to me - Sister Sledge! 

This episode reminds me of a coaching technique I use from time to time. It involves the client concentrating on a particular challenge for a few minutes and then relaxing focus on the challenge. The shift in focus is when a powerful moment of clarity is likely to occur - which can lead to a much sought after solution for the challenge in question. 

Although my description of this technique is much paraphrased it really does work. So whether you have a big life challenge or need to remember a name that’s on the tip of your tongue - a shift of focus could hold the answer.

We spend twenty five years or more of our lives asleep so I guess that’s why the subject crops up so often in my coaching sessions with clients. There are lots of ways of ensuring a good nights sleep, most of which are very simple and effective. Sleep often comes up in my blogs too. 

I recently lost my way regarding a good nights sleep. I’d turn off the light but my mind would be buzzing and I couldn’t work out why. I’ve now realised what was causing my temporary insomnia: it was my trusty, adored, ever so useful, iPhone 4. Instead of winding down in the hour or two before going to bed I fell into the trap of checking emails, messing around on facebook, looking at photographs and playing games. All fun activities but an excellent way of keeping the brain active at a time when it needs to be resting, making it much more difficult to fall asleep. 

The irony is that I don’t have a pc or television in my bedroom any more. It’s well documented that a low tech bedroom promotes better sleep - an idea that I subscribe to whole-heartedly. Why then have I been using a gadget with the combined power of a tv, pc, play station and more in the very same room? It makes absolutely no sense! 

Although I still use the alarm clock on my phone, all other use is banned before bed time and I’m sleeping like a baby again.

We’ve all experienced it. You have plans with a friend or someone you know and then something better comes along. What to do? You have two choices. Some people will go with The Lure of the Better Offer and there are many ways of employing this strategy:- 

• Cancel the initial plan and don’t worry about the person you made it with, they’ll get over the lack of respect you’re showing them – after all, you’re worth it. 
• Cancel but prefix with ‘Please don’t hate me but…’ This is a really good one – you know that no one will actually hate you for cancelling, even on a regular basis. They might not even start to feel indifferent to you. 
• Accept all the invitations you get and then go with the best option at the last minute. 
• Don’t accept an invitation until the last possible minute just incase something better comes along. 
• Don’t cancel and don’t turn up – avoid the person you had the plan with until you think they’ve forgotten. On no account mention anything about it in the future and definitely don’t apologise. 
• Lie. Lots of scope here – illness, death, work commitments, parents, boilers – you’ll be able to come up with all sorts of untrue good reasons. You might even be believed. 
• Adopt a slightly dizzy persona – pretend it’s beyond you to be on time or to know where you’re supposed to be at what time. Then when a better offer comes along you’re home and dry - ‘you know what I’m like – memory like a sieve…’ It might be that people find this to be one of the funny, charming things about you. Or not. 
• Let it be known how busy and important you are – no one minds busy and important people cancelling things. Do they? 

Going with The Lure of the Better Offer seems to work well for many people, particularly if they mix with like minded people. 

The second option is to adopt The Doctrine of the Better Offer. Sounds heavy but actually, it’s dead easy:- 

• Think before you accept an invitation or make an arrangement. 
• Decline invitations that clash. 
• SHOW UP!! Simply do what you said you would. 
• Having shown up, be in the moment. Decide to enjoy what you are doing. 

The Doctrine of the Better Offer may cost you more on a superficial level but it has several big advantages. It certainly increases your gravitas and authenticity. It makes life less complicated. And, perhaps most importantly, it makes taking responsibility the norm. And as anyone interested in personal development will eventually realize, taking responsibility is probably the single most important ingredient in moving forwards, both personally and professionally.